Destiny Calls...

Phew... It's been a while I've stopped blogging due to a very very and very busy time, as usual Work Work Work...!!! But not one job, It's 2 jobs at once hahaha... Let me present and share with you my second job, I proudly Present AMWAY...!!! Wooohooo!!! Well just came back from our 30th anniversary CRADOR CONVENTION 2008, where the worlds top AMWAY leaders gather to attend our up up line Mr Foo Howe Kean 30th anniversary successful in AMWAY as 3 country CROWN AMBASSADOR... So freaking rich man...!!! His business is big... Way way big... 14 countries around the world attended this Grand 30th CRADOR CONVENTION 2008, It's way beyond cool, get to see and meet 14 countries people...!!! Got some new friends also... So Cute but didn't take a picture with them... XD

So excited man... It's a chance for me to success in Amway business, I dare to dream of the future that no man dare to dream...!!! I am proud to tell it out loud My Dreams, My Aim... 2012 Go DIAMOND!!!

Warcraft III - Reign Of Chaos ( 1, 2, 3 ) (O)

ORCS : THE HORDE

Orcish History

( SINCE THE END OF THE SECOND WAR )

Gul'dan and the Betrayal

During the final days of the Second War, as the horde's victory over the Alliance seemed almost assured, a terrible feud erupted between the two most powerful orcs on Azeroth. The nefarious warlock, Gul'dan, master of the clandestine Shadow Council, led a number of renegade clans against the might of Orgrim Doomhammer, the warchief of the horde. As Doomhammer prepared his final assault against the Capital City of Lordaeron, an assault that would have crushed that would have crushed the last remnants of the Alliance, Gul'dan and his renegade clans abandoned their posts and set out to sea. The bewildered Doomhammer, having lost nearly half of his standing forces to Gul'dan's treachery, was forced to pull back and forsake his greatest chance of victory over the Alliance.

The power-hungry Gul'dan, obsessed with obtaining godhood itself, set out on a desperate search for the undersea Tomb of Sargeras that he believed held the secrets of the ultimate power. Having already doomed his fellow orcs to become the salves of the Burning Legion, Gul'dan throught nothing of his supposed duty to Doomhammer. Backed by the Stormreaver and Twilight's Hammer Clans, Gul'dan succeeded in raising the Tomb of Sargeras from the sea floor. However, when he opened the ancient, flooded vault, he found only crazed demons awaiting him.

Seeking to punish the wayward orcs for their costly betrayal, Doomhammer sent his forces to kill Gul'dan and bring the renegades back into the fold. For his recklessness, Gul'dan was torn apart by the maddened demons he had set loose. With their leader dead, the renegade clans quickly fell before Doomhammer's enraged legions. Though the rebellion had been quelled, the horde was unable to recoup the terrible losses it had suffered. Gul'dan's betrayal had afforded the Alliance not only hope, but also time to regroup... and retaliate...

Through Lord Lothar fell in battle at the Spire's base, his lieutenant, Turalyon, rallied the Alliance forces at the eleventh hour and pushed the horde back into the abysmal Swamp of Sorrows. Turalyon's forces succeeded in destroying the dark portal, the mystical gateway that connected the orcs to their dark, red homeworld of Draenor. Cut off from the horde finally buckled in upon itself and fell before the might of the Alliance forces.

The scattered orc clans were quickly rounded up and placed within guarded internment camps. Though it seemed that the horde had been defeated for good, some remained highly skeptical that peace would last. Khadgar, the former apprentice of Medivh, convinced the Alliance high command to build the fortress of Nethergarde that would watch over the ruins of the dark portal and ensure that there would be no further invasions from Draenor.

Ner'zhul and the Shadow Clans

As the fires of the Second War died down, the Alliance took aggressive steps to contain the orcish threat. A number of large internment camps, meant to house the captive orcs, were constructed in southern Lordaeron. Guarded by both the paladins and the veteran soldiers of the Alliance, the camps proved to be a great success. Through the captive orcs were tense and anxious to do battle once more, the various camp wardens, based at the old prison-fortress of Durnholde, kept the peace and maintained a strong semblance of order.

However, on the hellish world of Draenor, a new orcish army prepared to strike at the unsuspecting Alliance. The elder shaman, Ner'zhul - the former mentor of Gul'dan - rallied the handful of clans still left on Draenor under his dark banner. Ner'zhul planned to open a number of portals on Draenor that would lead the horde to new, unspoiled worlds. To power his new portals, Ner'zhul needed a number of enchanted artifacts from Azeroth. To procure them, Ner'zhul reopened the dark portal and sent his ravenous clans charging through it.

The new horde, led by veteran chieftains such as Grom Hellscream of the Warsong clan, and Kilrogg Deadeye of the Bleeding Hollow clan, surpriced the Alliance defence forces and rampaged through the countryside. Under Ner'zhul surgical command, the orcs quickly rounded up the artifacts that they needed and fled back to the safety of Draenor.

King Terenas of Lordaeron, convinced that the orcs were preparing a new invasion of Azeroth, assembled his most trusted lieutenants. He ordered General Turalyon and the mage, Khadgar, to lead an expedition through the dark portal to put an end to the orcish threat once and for all. Turalyon and Khadgar's forces marched into Draenor and repeatedly clashed with Ner'zhul's clans upon the ravaged Hellfire Peninsula. Though neither side gained ground, it was clear that Ner'zhul would not be stopped from completing his nefarious plans.

Ner'zhul succeeded in opening his portals to other worlds - but he did not foresee the terrible price he would pay. The portal's tremendous energies began to tear the very fabric of Draenor apart. As Turalyon's forces fought desperately to return home to Azeroth, the world of Draenor began to buckle in upon itself. Grom Hellscream and Killrogg Deadeye, realizing that Ner'zhul's mad plans would doom their entire race, rallied the remaining orcs and escaped back to the relative safety of Azeroth. As Hellscream and Deadeye hacked their way through the human ranks in a desperate bid for freedom, the dark portal suddenly exploded behind them. For them, and the remaining orcs on Azeroth, there would be no going back...

Ner'zhul and his Shadowmoon clan passed through their newly created portals, as massive volcanic eruptions began to break Draenor's continents apart. The burning seas rose up and roiled the shattered landscape as the tortured world was finally consumed in an apocalyptic explosion.

Day of the Dragon

Through Grom Hellscream and his Warsong clan managed to evade capture, Deadeye and his Bleeding Hollow clan were rounded up and placed in the internment camps in Lordaeron. Yet, despite the costly uprising, the camp's wardens soon re-established control over their brutish charges.

However, unknown to the Alliance's agents, a large force of orcs still roamed free in the northern wastes of Khaz Modan. The Dragonmaw clan, led by the infamous Warlock, Nekros, had maintained its control over the Dragonqueen, Alexstraza, and her Dragonflight by using an ancient artifact known as the Demon Soul. With the Dragonqueen as his hostage, Nekros built up a secret army within the abandoned dwarf stronghold of Grim Batol. Planning to unleash his forces and the mighty red dragons on the Alliance, Nekros hoped to reunite the horde and continue its conquest of Azeroth. Yet, a small group of resistance fighters, led by the human mage, Rhonin, managed to destroy the Demon Soul and free the Dragonqueen from Nekros command.

In the fury, Alexstrasza's dragons tore apart Grim Batol and incinerated the greater bulk of the Dragonmaw clan. Nekros grand schemes of reunification came crashing down as the Alliance troops rounded up the remaining orc survivors and threw them into the waiting interment camps. The Dragonmaw clan's defeat signaled the ed of the horde - and the end of the orcs furious bloodlust.

WarCraft III - Reign Of Chaos ( 4, 5, 6 ) (H)

HUMANS: THE ALLIANCE OF LORDAERON


Human History

( SINCE THE END OF THE SECOND WAR )




The Alliance Splinters

In the years following the horde's defeat, the leaders of the various Alliance nations began to bicker and argue over territorial holdings and decreasing political influence. King Terenas of Lordaeron, the patron of the Alliance, began to suspect that the fragile pact they had forged during their darkest hour would not stand for long. Terenas had convinced the Alliance Leaders to lend money and laborers to help rebuild the city of Stormwind that was destroyed during the orcish occupation of Azeroth. Those taxes, coupled with the high expenses of maintaining and operation the numerous orc internment camps, led many leaders - Genn Greymane of Gilneas in particular - to believe that their kingdoms would be better off seceding from the Alliance.

To make matters worse, the brusque high elves of Silvermoon rescinded their allegiance to the Alliance, stating that the humans's poor leadership led to the burning of their forest during the Second War. Though Terenas tactfully reminded the elves that nothing of Quel'Thalas would have remained if not for the hundreds of valiant humans who'd given their lives to defend it, the elves stubbornly decided to go their own way. In the wake of the elves departure, Golneas and Stromgarde pulled stake and seceded as well.

Though the Alliance was falling apart, King Terenas still had allies that he could count on. Both Admiral Proudmoore of Kul Tiras and the young king, Varian the Kirin Tor, led by the Archmage Antonidas, pledged Dalaran's steadfast support to Terenas's rule. Most pleasingly, perhaps, was the pledge of the mighty dwarwen king, Magni Brozebeard, who vowed that the dwarves of Ironforge would forever owe a debt of honor to the Alliance for liberating Khaz Modan from the horde's control.





A New Generation

Years passes as tensions abated and a lasting peace settled over Lordaeron. King Terenas and the Archbishop Alonsus Faol worked ceaselessly to rebuild the kingdom and bring aid to the remaining nations of the Alliance. The southern kingdom of Azeroth grew prosperous again and reestablished itself as a military power under King Wrynn's visionary leadership. Uther the Lightbringer, the supreme commander of the Paladin Order, kept the peace in Lordaeron by settling civil disputes and quelling demi-human uprisings throughout the realm. Admiral Proudmoore, whose mighty fleets patrolled the trade lanes hunting pirates and marauders, maintained order on the high seas. But it was the exploits of a newer generation of the heroes that captured the imagination of the populace.

King Terenas's only son, Arthas, had grown into a strong, confident young man. The young Prince was trained as a warrior by Muradin Bronzebeard - brother to King Magni of Ironforge - and despite his youth, was considered to be the one of the finest swordsmen in Lordaeron. At the tender age of nineteen Arthas was inducted into the Order of the Silver Hand under the command of King Terenas for years, considered the Prince more of a favored none could dispute Arthas bravery and tenacity. When the troll warbands of Zul'Aman began raiding the settlements along the Quel'Thalassian border, Arthas was quick to hunt down the savages and put an end to their rampage.

Yet despite his heroics, the citizenry of Lordaeron obsessed over the young Prince's personal life. Rumors of a budding romance between Arthas and Lady Jaina Proudmoore had surfaced and set the kingdom ablaze. Jaina wa the youngest daughter of Admiral Proudmoore, a childhood friend of Arthas. However, the beautiful, yet shy young women was also the star pupil of the Kirin Tor - the Wizard Council of Dalaran. Tutored by the revered Archmage, Antonidas, Jaina managed to maintain a close relationship. Given King Terenas's age and deteriorating health, the citizenry was pleased to see that their beloved Prince would marry and carry the royal Bloodline.

Embarrassed by the public attention, Arthas and Jaina kept their affair as private as possible. But Jaina, commited to her studies in Dalaran, knew that their romance could not last. She had studied the ways of magic her whole life and knew that her true calling was the pursuit of knowledge - not the trappings of the throne room. Much to the frustration Lordaeron's citizenry, the two lovers reluctantly parted ways and refocused themselves on their duties.




The Shadows Return

After nearly thirteen years of peace, the rumors of war began to circulate once again. The King's agents reported that a young, upstart warchief had arisen and rallied the few remaining orc clans into an elite fighting forces. The young warchief was intent on tearing down the interment camps and freeing his people from their bondage. The "new horde" as it was dubbed, had brazenly attacked the northern city of Stratholme in an attempt to rescue one of its captured warriors. The horde even destroyed Durnholde - the fortress that oversaw the security of the internment camps - and murdered the officers who ran it. King Terenas sent Uther and his paladins to quell the warchief's uprising, but the crafty orcs could never be f ound. The young warchief proved to be something of a tactical genius - and evaded Uther's best efforts to corral his hit and run attacks.

Amidst the strain of the new orc uprising, King Terenas was disturbed t hear ill news on another front. Rumor held that a number of supposed "death cults" had formed in the northern provinces. The cults attracted the disenfranchised and disheartened citizens of Lordaeron, offering them "eternal life" on earth as an alternative to servitude to the King. After many years of peace and quiet, King Terenas knew that troubles were only just beginning for his land. He took some comfort in the fact that Lordaeron had endured every trail that had ever come its way - and that its defenders, both new and old, would see it safely through to a new dawn...

Warcraft III - Reign Of Chaos ( 1, 2, 3 ) (H)

HUMANS: THE ALLIANCE OF LORDAERON

Human History

( SINCE THE END OF THE SECOND WAR )

Aftermath of the Second War

The devastating Second War against the orcish horde left the Alliance of Lordaeron in a state of shock and disarray. The bloodthirsty orcs, led by the mighty warchief, Orgrim Doomhammer, not only smashed their way through the dwarf-held lands of Khaz Modan, but had razed many of Lordaeron's central provinces as well The unrelenting orcs even succeeded in ravaging the elves remote kingdom of Quel'Thalas before their rampage was finally stopped. The Alliance armies led by Sir Anduin Lothar, Uther the Lightbringer, and Admiral Daelin Proudmoore pushed the orcs south into the shattered land of Azeroth - the first kingdom to fall before the orcs' ruthless onslaught.

The Alliance forces under Sir Lothar managed to push Doomhammer's clans out of Lordaeron and back into the orc-controlled lands of Azeroth. Lothar's forces surrounded the orcs' volcanic citadel of Blackrock Spire and laid siege to their defences. In a last-ditch effort, Doomhammer and his lieutenants staged a daring Burning Steppes. Doomhammer and Lothar squared off in a titanic battle that left succeeded in vanquishing Lothar, the great hero's death did not have the effect the warchief had hoped for.

Turalyon, Lothar's most trusted lieutenant, took up Lothar's bloodstained shield and rallied his grief-stricken brethren for a vicious counterattack. Under the ragged standards of both Lordaeron and Azeroth, Turalyon's troops slaughtered the bulk of Doomhammer's remaining forces in a glorious, but terrible rout. There was nothing left for the ragged, scattered orc survivors but to flee to the last standing bastion of orcish power - The Dark Portal.

Turalyon and his warriors chased the remaining orcs through the festering Swamp of Sorrows and into the corrupted Blasted Lands where the dark portal stood. There, at the foot of the colossal portal, the broken horde and the rugged Alliance clashed in what would be the last, bloodiest battle of the Second War. Outnumbered and driven mad by the curse of their blood-lust, the orcs inevitably fell before the wrath of the Alliance. Doomhammer was taken prisoner and escorted to Lordaeron while his broken clans were rounded up and hauled north - back to Lordaeron.

Beyond the Dark Portal

Only a few months after Nethergarde's completion, the energies of the dark portal coalesced and opened up a new gateway to Draenor. The remaining orc clans, under the leadership of the elder shaman, Ner'zhul, charged forth into Azeroth once again. intent on stealing a number of magical artifacts that would increase Ner'zhul's power, the orcs planned to open up new portals in Draenor that would allow them to escape their doomed red world forever.

Convinced that Ner'zhul was planning a new offensive against the Alliance, King Terenas of Lordaeron sent his armies into Draenor to end the orcih threat once and for all. Led by Khadgar and General Turalyon, the Alliance forces clashed with the orcs across the burning landscape. Even with the aid of the elven Ranger Alleria, the dwarf Kurdran and the veteran soldier Danath, Khadgar was unable to prevent Ner'zhul from opening his portals to other worlds.

The tremendous magical storms caused by the portals' converging energies began to tear the ravaged world apart. Ner'zhul, followed only by his trusted servants, managed to escape through one of the portals as Khadgar fought desperately to return his comrades to Azeroth. Realizing that they would be trapped on the dying world, Khadgar and his companions selflessly decided to destroy the dark portal so that Azeroth would not be harmed by Draenor's violent destruction. By all accounts, the heroes were successful in destroying the portal and saving Azeroth - But whether or not they escaped the death throes of Draenor remains to be seen.

The Battle of Grim Batol

After the destruction of the second dark portal, the Alliance succeeded in rounding up the most of the renegade orc clans still left in Azeroth. The orc internment camps, built shortly after the Second War, were filled to capacity and guarded around the clock. Through the newly arrived Warsong clan had so far escaped the Alliance's wrath, there was only one group - the Dragonmaw clan - that was large enough and strong enough to upset the delicate peace that had settled over Lordaeron.

The Dragonmaw clan, led by the insidious warlock, Nekros, had conquered and held a great portion of northern Khaz Modan using dragons and small units of foot soldiers. Nekros maintained his hold over the Dragonqueen, Alexstrasza, and her red dragonflight by use if a powerful artifact known as the Demon Soul. Based in the ancient dwarwen strongholdof Grim Batol, Nekros built up a sizeable army and planned to reunite the failing horde. But, despite the warlock's power, the intervention of the reckless mage, Rhonin, threw Nekros' plans awry. Rhonin and his companions, aided by dwarven resistance fighters, succeede in destroying the Demon Soul and freeing Alexstrasza from the orc's control. The vengeful red dragons incinerated the Dragonmaw clan and effectively put an end to the last bastion of the orcish power in the world.

With the death of Nekros, the last of the orcish warlocks - the orcs left to wallow in the crowded internment camps - slipped into a crippling lethargy. Stripped of their will to fight or even die, the orcs lost all sense of themselves as warriors - and the last traces of the proud culture that had birthed them.

Lets Stop The Pendulum - 21/08/08 - Diary

Lets Stop The Pendulum - Diary - 21/08/08

Oh yesh~ continue from the previous blog "20/08/08 Latihan Wirajaya - But things were not the way I wanted it to be..."

"But things were not the way I wanted it to be..." Well, after handing over our equipment back to the camp, went back to our dome, and called dear dear (EX), dear was in the train going to Midvalley with dear's daughters and his kai ma... But heard that dear's voice like very unhappy got things disturbing dear...? Don't know no idea, must be I am the one who is thinking too much... Chat and chat, blah blah blah blah...

Alright got to go already time to say bye bye to dear dear... Normally before hanging up we will normally give each other a kiss, "MUACKS" but dear didn't give me that kiss and just close it... There's a weird feeling inside my heart and explain what is that feeling... I was extremely tired and all I think is that maybe it's that I am too exhausted so I just calm myself by not thinking too much about this matter... Trust dear dear, trust dear dear... Everything will be normal and OK like always...

Called dear dear at evening again to check up on him... Sounds OK already, and I told myself "see Chris everything fine and OK, you were thinking too much only so as putting more pressure on your self"... Felt relieve...

At 7 something called dear dear once again too check on dear dear if he has reached home already or not, well he was on the way home... But his friend's mom is fetching them from MV due to the over pack crowd at the train station... Ok got a little EMO because dear haven't reach home and it's already dinner time and spend almost whole day out already... Well get over it Chris...

At 8.35 p.m, things changed in a way that I didn't expected... Dear suggest that we end this relationship, he says his tired to continue this relationship already... Dear wants to end this now... I beg for a chance to fix things up, but dear doesn't want anymore... I have no choice but to respect his decision and his courage... Although I feel very sad about it, I cried after I hang up the phone... And all the memories of times that we were together emerge and penetrating my mind, heart is beating and bleeding...

100th Days

Well today is the 100Th day that my uncle passed away, sadly my father has to pray him and force us to pray also... He passed away on 09/06/08 5 days before I went to NS, attended his funeral on 10/06/08, saw all my uncle aunt cried, saw all my uncle's wife side of the family cried, and I was just standing there with out any feelings or shed a single drop of tears watching them cry cry cry...

Well, I don't feel sad because he was dead even though he is my relative, I won't cry for death dude, I'll cry for love... Losing the one I love is the most painful thing, meaning of losing here is not death I am referring... Well dad, when praying I can see that you were shedding tears, oh gosh get over it dude, his been gone for 100 days already, crying won't bring him back either... Since his face was in peace during the last session that we saw him, why not let him go in peace... Rather then let his spirit see you all crying over his death and make his miserable...

Well to all dear relative, GET OVER IT... Life is short, Live it to the MAX... Enjoy Guys... !!!

Majlis Perasmian - PLKN 01/07/08

01/07/08 Today is Majlis Perasmian Program Latihan Khimat Negara, and It's also the day I got my Ranking... Haha, today woke up at 0600 a.m, well started like a normal day as any other day, It's been 2 weeks already that we have been in this camp, time is so slow...!!! Well, today we all have to wear our Full Celoreng, oh god it's going to be freaking hot damn...!!! Really can't stop cursing when have to wear this Set of uniform... Woke up at 0600 a.m, have to gather at he field for morning exercise - PT , Physical Training... Every morning the first thing is to sing the national anthem and raise the national flag and not forgetting our Lagu Khimat Negara... After that, listen to instruction from our Dear fat ass KJ - Ketua Jurulatih on what to do for today Physical Training... Skip this part sucks, do all the hell torture exercise in the morning where the sun is not up yet and sleepy mood at least wait for the sun rise la Dei... Haiz, really torturing during the days there, want to sleep also can't... As usual, PT until 7.30 a.m and lined up listen to the next orders and go back to the hall to have our breakfast, and at 8.30 a.m sharp we all have to be in the hall wearing our Full Celoreng. Finished our breakfast went back to our dome to get ready...

Well, slowly delay wasting time, with a slow touch here and there, and still can chat with friends to... This is what we always do, and get late as usual so as kena bombing by KJ for being late to assemble in the Hall... Reached there arranged our chairs according to our own platoon, but the ones that are gonna be promoted as Leaders have to sit in front of the Platoon... Starting of the Majlis Perasmian PLKN is by all standing up and sing the national anthem dan Lagu PLKN... Also bacaan Ikrar and doa... Sit back down and listen to our so called GOD FATHER - Kem Kommander talking his craps, he was happily talking about how great and good of this program how lucky that we are been selected to follow this program... "of course la, this is his rice bowl wor, without this program dunno where will he be..." Stupid guy =.="... And so on and on, finally he finished his holy craps, here goes Majlis seterusnya is penaik pangkat kepada ketua-ketua yang dipilih oleh jurulatih platun... Have to salute and this that, shake hands blah blah blah stand in front of the stage and done, only Ketua platoon still need to stand there while assistance can go back to their seats yahoo~^^... The Surrendering of our platoon Flags to every each Platoon by Trainers of Platoon, watch and enjoy the drama =.="...

After that, All Platoon leaders have to stand up and in front of own platoon to Salute t00 all our "anak buah" Hahahaha... Fun Fun~ :) after dismiss... Just nice ended at 11.30 a.m and all sit in the hall to wait for lunch time, during that hour, what so many people come and congrats us that have ranking ones... But, things won't be that smooth for me I guess wearing this Thing on my shoulder I feel that my shoulders are twice as heavy... Pressure and Responsibility...

At night, after dismissing all the other trainees back to their domes, leaders are to stay back in the hall for a meeting with TKL - Timbalan Kommander Latihan, on what is our duty to carry on... So as introduce our self to the other platoon leaders, Starting from ALPHA, BRAVO, CHARLIE, and DELTA... Meeting carried on till late 1.30 a.m and tomorrow have to wake up at 5.30 a.m damn sucks... Our meeting is classified as top secret meeting, because our job is the Hands, Ears, and Eyes in the camp - CCTV, monitoring the trainees behaviours and report more like SPIES among our friends... He told us we are under Pihak Pengurusan, anything we have to report to them using INTEL WAY so as our Special Rights, what can we do... Proud To be A leader ^^... Had Fun anyway...

20/08/08 - Latihan Wirajaya

Search And Rescue

Oh God, today is the day Latihan Kembara Wirajaya... Jeezs have to carry that freaking heavy camping bag... Woke up at 0500 a.m in the morning when the Muslims go for their morning prayers, we non-Muslims woke up at that time to get ready and re-check all our gadgets, our food and water supply... at 0630 a.m all gather at the hall to put bags there after that go down to the field there to raise the national flag and sing the national anthem, and here comes our god father to give a long and stinky speech to merasmikan Latihan Kembara Wirajaya, God let us sit down while you talk la, early in the morning where the sun haven rise yet all sleepy mood make us stand there and listen to the craps at the field, DAMN... After finishing his holy craps, we are to dismiss to return back to the hall for our breakfast, here goes another briefing from our Dear TKL - Timbalan Kommanden Latihan, Old dudes do talk a lot of craps, took a chair each and sit in our own platoon and listen to the instructions during jungle trekking what to do and not to... 08.45 a.m finally all lined up outside the hall to take Strength - Total number of people, Platoon leader count the Strength of their own platoon and report to KJ - Ketua Jurulatih in charge... First platoon to go and die first is Charlie and Delta, congratulations to them anything happens they will be the first to get it haha, let wild boar attack or chase also them first... Second to depart is the girls, jeez they will be causing trouble, thirdly is Alpha and Bravo... Bravo is behind Alpha, haha the last platoon to move so sad... Before entering the jungle, trainer will line us up again to take our strength in case of any MIA - Missing In Actions... From 1 to 34 people and my platoon trainer say Ketua Platoon is at the back of the platoon, I was cursing in my heart saying, "Damn you Bitch why all the one Ketua have to walk behind of the Platoon..." All lined up in a Straight line and I am at the end of the line, Great job... Walk through Bukit Ridan and to our Camping Side - Base... In the jungle, nothing special to see, just huge size ants and bugs ewww... And all the noise we create, no peace in the jungle at all... Saying of trouble, we rest more then we walk, Special Thanks to the Wirawati - Girls, keep stopping and resting, walk a while aiyo tired already this that all those junk... Can't cut or bypass them because we are not allow to cut lines and stupidly have to follow the ninja turtles... While walking I brought along my liquid paper, marked and draw the trees in the jungle... While reaching a slope, I'll write "Kawasan Kemalangan, Kurangkan Laju, Hargai Nyawa Anda, Kurangkan Laju Anda Boleh Mengubahnya, -> Hotel Pangkalan KPP 3.5 KM, Dilarang potong memotong or Ikut kiri kalau tidak memotong" For our dear Platoon Bravo friends to know what is in front... We really did all those writings and too bad no camera to take a photo =.="...

Finally at 13.30 p.m reached our pit stop, where is in a old quarry side... Legs were tired, and there was TKL waiting for us there with other trainers, and assemble all the ketua platoons to give briefing on what is next... Alright received our new orders already, time to move out, to take our men to the so called - BASE... Well after reaching the base, my platoon trainer gave me orders to order my comrades to start building up tents for the night and also there's a certain location for every each platoon, where is ALPHA BRAVO CHARLIE and DELTA... Haha for me very easy only, I just stand there giving out orders and commands, my tent also no need me to build up myself I can order my comrades to do the job, made a Big tent where can fit in 8 people haha, good job to my friend that build the tent, and also called the big guys to dig a hole to make a fire pit for the freezing night... After digging I summoned 9 people plus me is 10, 5 to find fire woods for the night and 5 more to find bricks or stone to surround the fire pit... Later on had lunch haha... Wanted to rest oh gosh here comes things to do, activities time... OMG...

Received my mission and I have to lead - Search And Rescue Mission... And later on is

Find The Golden Coconut... Using a map and a Compass, but I am not the one who is holding it because I don't know how to use it, let the pros to do it... I just stand and give orders that's all become very bossy =.="... Search and rescue include how to do first aid all those things bla bla bla... Finished my mission in time of course... Platoon A and B Team 1, Platoon C and D Team 2... We reached first and later them... Next activities is Search for the Golden Coconut, Not my business already, that mission I hand it over to my Ketua Platoon, the 3 Balak - 3 Line... I need Rest!!! argh... Haven't rest for the whole day, after hiking then reach base have to do this that, whoa I am not a machine leh... And tonight bet we won't get to sleep at all... Sucks... Mosquito are like bombars flying here and there and look at the size of them, oh god...

I didn't get to sleep well the whole night... with the fire we didn't feel that cold, but at midnight when most of my friends were asleep, I was awake because I cannot sleep... Became guard for the night with a friend beside me, when I stood up, whao I can see Platoon Bravo and Delta don't have a single light - Camp Fire it's pitch dark... cool...!!!

Well, Stayed up whole night chatting with a friend beside the fire and also adding woods to keep the fire up... Well time passes quite fast, well can see the sunrise and the morning beautiful sunlight, friends started to wake up one by one haha... Some still sleep until refuse to wake up, Started to pack and we cook our breakfast... Cleaned all the waste that we created and line up in lines to go gather at the Field for Closing of the Latihan Wirajaya listen to craps again from God Father... Surrender all our bags back to the camp and go back to our dome to rest for the day... Had fun... But things were not the way I wanted it to be...

I am a Weakling - 我是脆弱的

26/08/08 - Diary - 5 days after we broke up...

All the while I though I was very strong... But in fact I am only nothing but a Weakling and a Coward boy... I am weak I cannot accept what is happening and stand up once again after fall, I am Coward because I don't have the courage to accept the reality when you left me... I used all my hearts and souls to love you, try my best to take care of you, try my best not to hurt you as much as possible... Tried my best to give you all my love and happiness that I can afford too... I know, you never requested anything from me, you are afraid that you will trouble me... But now, loving long enough and those feelings we built up together is nothing but for a few hours of one short love...

I wear a mask in front of my friends, and this mask I wear fooled and bluffed all of them, pretending that I have once stand up again and walk on... Everyone though I was already cured and accepted what has happen... But every night, when the flashes of memories with you and me passes through my mind, as I think and think, my tears began to flow down my cheeks and I began to tell myself, bluffing myself, you and me are still together... You will love me forever, how could you just leave me and move on just like that...? More tears began to dash down my cheeks...

But no matter how, I have to accept the reality and move on, I really want to carefully kiss you a hundred times with all my heart and soul, if that is you allowed me... Dear, my tears are flowing down my cheeks, dropping on the floor and at last evaporate... Bit by bit those tears are a sign of a broken heart that burst into a million pieces...




8月26日08年 - 日记 - 分手后的第五天...

一直以来我都是脆弱的男人, 我用尽心力和灵魂的去爱护你... 给了你我所能给的幸福... 而你从来没有和我提过任何要求, 你害怕会给我添麻烦... 可现在, 我们两个所建立的爱情和感情都敌不过几小时短短的爱...

我欺骗了所有的朋友, 所有我所认识的人, 关心我的人, 扮坚强没事... 大家都以为我没事了, 已经能重新站起来面对... 每晚 ,我一想起你和我之间的无数回忆, 我想着想着就哭了, 我欺骗自己, 你和我还在一起, 你永远是爱我的, 你怎么可能忍心离开我呢...?

可是我必须面对现实, 我很想在你的脸上小心的留下几百个吻, 如果可以的话... 亲爱的, 我的泪一滴一滴的落在地上, 慢慢化开... 一滴一滴的落在了我碎掉的心上....

Fuck Off...!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS FREAKING WRONG WITH TODAY??? SUDDENLY THIS AND THAT, OFFLINE A FEW HOURS KENA SCOLD BY PEOPLE AGAIN... FUCKING PISSED, SMALL MATTER ALSO BECOME LIKE THIS SCOLD ME LIKE IT'S DAMN BIG... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT IS GOING WRONG!!! IT LOOKS LIKE ITS TIME TO CHANGE... I HAVE LOST MY PATIENCE OF BEING GOOD AND NICE... BLOG GOT EDITED, AND ONLY A FEW KNOWS MY PASSWORD... WHAT IS THAT OR NOT ITS ALL FUCKING FAKE AND UNFAIR FOR BEING SCOLD UNTIL LIKE THIS... WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ALL ARE... IF YOU WANNA FACE ME FACE ME LIKE A MAN, NOT LIKE A CHICK U MOTHER FUCKER SON OF A BITCH...


FROM NOW ON, THOSE WHO WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND JUST BE, THOSE THAT DOESN'T WANTS GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, YOU'RE NOT WELL COME AT ALL... I DON'T EVEN MIND AT ALL... SERIOULY!!!

Moving The Pendulum…

Well, 3 months is not that long after all… Time really flies day by day, 3 months time in the camp is almost up already… All the experience will turn to memories for the rest of my life and all those who I met with in the camp… At camp there are happy moment and there is also sad moments and even unhappy things happening or happened… Sunday I’ll be returning to the camp, KPP – Kem Pinggiran Pelangi, after that I’ll be coming back on the Wednesday August 13th 2008, the Chinese 7th month of the Lunar calender – Hungry Ghost Month… 3 days holiday will be given to all chinese trainees and the trainees can decide to go home or stay at camp with the Muslims, after that when I come back I’ll be staying till August 18th – Monday… After the holidays, when we return to camp, 3 weeks remaining for us to have fun in the camp, after 3 weeks there’s no where on earth we can find this kind of experience again, not in my life time already… At day one in camp of course it sucks to the max, although nothing special happen to me, but fell ill and force to discharge from camp for MC… Day one, day two, day three in camp seems so long to reach 84 days – after training / after National service… but now come to think back time really flies there and time has never stopped once in my life time… At camp suffered a lot of course, but all this experience will soon turn to nothing but memories… Met a few stats of teens and soon became friends, comrades… Battle and play all activities together… Not bad, I have a rank in company / platoon – ALPHA, 2nd commander in charge, use to be 3rd, lucky the ex 2nd commander got fired, so from 3rd I became 2nd commander in charge… Not bad, can control 55 platoon members, including girls, 42 boys and 13 girls… Meet up with other Platoon leaders and Assist Scot, Bravo, Charlie, and Delta… Been given many kinds of tittle or names in the camp from friends, the names are :
- Pang Pang (Stupid Guy that call me This)
- Chinese Glory (Read in Cantonise)
- Mohammad Pang (The Muslims Girls Change It For me)
- Mohammad Pang Bin Abdullah (Second Level =.=”)
- Two Stick (Read In Cantonise)
- Leader Of Alpha (Read In Cantonise)

Still got some other names I forgot already, but in camp it’s kinda fun too, the only thing sucks is that we can’t have our phone on weekdays but only can have our phone during weekends… In camp missed the one I loved a lot, well things goes up and down, that is called life… Well have to write more of my experience while I can, because time in the camp is running out, and I don’t want this experiece to be forgotten, I want this memories to go on with me as long as I live through out the Glory days… So, when this Sunday I return to camp, I’ll record all in my mind and when I return home, I’ll try to write as many things as possible… So that when other time I read back my diary I can still have the feelings and experience through my memories and not forgotten…








The Pendulum Is Swinging, Once Stoped, It’s All Over…

07-08-08
22.30 p.m.

End Of Time... 06/09/08

84 days I spend in National service... From 14/06/08 - 06/09/08, days at there were fun I admit it even though I hated it from the day I check through website and got to know I was chosen for PLKN cursed every single cabinet that approve this F**K program to over come the so called "LEPAK Tradition" among the teens in Malaysia after their form 5 SPM... Day 1, day 2, day 3 and so on from starting at the camp, time was slow till I can hardly think of inventing a Nuclear and set it off in the Parliament hall to kill every single Idiot that support this freaking program... Day dream comes to killing and ways or torturing those idiots trainers that I hate the most... Bored until covered by Illusions, how sad eh...? But 84 days at the camp there though us a lot, can't really use the word "us" because I notice that not all of the Teens in the camp there learn what I've learn and understand it... Should use more on "me". I've learn how to be independent now after I got back from NS, I also learn what is called hard times and team work, at there and not forgetting "CHALLENGES", I've tested myself to tolerate with others including the people that I hate... Well to me, it was hard because of what I am... I mean, I hold a Rank so my responsibility is much more heavy then other friends... I've got brothers that took care of each other during hard times, but as days passes by, I started to feel that time with them are not enough and it's flying pass faster and faster... Maybe the 1st or 2nd week I don't notice it... But when you see the calender and the month you're in, you will feel it... During the last day, before our departure from camp to go back where we belong, many of us cried including me, shake hands and hug for the last time, because we don't even know whether will we meet again in the up coming future, all from different states and distance are far... On that day we have songs in different parts haha... Starting from morning the song we played was (Gundam Seed - Morning) nice song... When we started to get ready and take our bags down to the hall, one of my friend open this music from his Walkman phone. And when we recieved an announcenment from the office saying that "Perhatian kepada Wira dan Wirawati yang akan bertolak ke Terengganu, KL, dan Johor Bharu sila turun ke padang kawat sekarang..." and we know that time's up already, it's time to say good bye... Lined up at padang kawat, and that time is where we say good bye hugged each other shake hands smile at each other in he face... Same friend open (Gundam Seed Destiny - Fields Of Hope), another sad song... But it has a meaning in it ^^v... And then it's really time for good bye... we were ordered to board the buses that are lining up there, with this song running our tears started to fall... We sat in the bus and waited for the trainers to take our strength (how many people), my friend same bus with me, can hear that sad music makes me sad also... After when everything is done, we can see the bus doors slowly close, one by one... Next was (Gundam Seed Destiny - kimi wa Boku no niteiru) when the bus started to... Didn't I had a friend that likes Gundam Seed also =.=" anime freak haha... But I agree on all this songs because it suits the situation and the emotion that we are into... Our bus was the first to depart, we can see all the other friends at the other bus gather at the side of the bus window and salute at us... we also Salute back for the last time... Hormat Ke Depan Hormat!!! And there goes us leaving the camp and looking back and those flashes of memories and times that we spend here... All shall be memories and experience for the rest of our life...

Waiting - 等待

25/08/08 - Diary
During late and a quite night, things to think are specially getting more and more. Standing outside my dome with no tiredness through out the rough days, staring at the streets lights and the shadows created by the lights, felt that myself is very lonely, street lights have their shadows to accompany them through out the whole night,what about me...? Accompanying me besides loneliness still got who else...? You left me and just go on like that, didn't know how much pain I am in...? You don't know how it feels for that bitter and sore pain deep in my heart...

Didn't you said that you will love me for the rest of your life... Eternal love...? All this promises where did it went already...? Did you forget about it crystal clear not even a clue...? Two more weeks from the date 21/08/08 I'll be out of National Service already... After my realease of National Service you said you will be together with me and enjoy every Birthdays, Festive Seasons and each day passes... But now you have left me already...

If you leave me is just to test our relationship and our love towards each other, I feel that it's already reached the limit already right...? Don't you want to return to me...? You don't want me already...? Each night I felt like crying out loud, but I cannot cry out because my friends don't want to see me sad, I cannot cry out freely but at late night looking at the clear bright skies and cry when I think about the memories we made... It's been the 4th night I didn't sleep well...

The days with out you is very hard and torturing to pass. Everyday in the dome I think of our time that we use to be together, my tears will flow down my cheeks. I miss the days that I hug you, miss the days you call me dumb dumb, missed the days that we use to whisper in my small little room and laugh. I missed everything that you gave me... But all those have become a past and a memory...

I don't know will you be reading this blog that I typed, But I just want to let you know... I treasured everything that you gave me, I'll wait till time comes or time goes to heal me... or you to return...


8月25日08年 - 日记
夜深人静的时候, 想的东西也特别多. 站在外面看着被街灯拉长的人影, 突然觉得自己好孤独, 街灯还有影子的陪伴, 而我呢? 陪伴我的除了孤单还有谁? 说走就走的你, 难道都不曾想过我的感受吗? 你知道我的痛苦吗? 你知道那个滋味是很难受的吗?

不是说要爱我一辈子, 疼我一生的吗? 这些承若去了哪里? 你都忘记了吗? 还有两个星期是我出营的日子. 出去了后你说过要陪我度过每一个生日, 情人节, 圣诞节, 和每一个日子... 现在你却已经离开我了.

如果你的离去只是想考验我们之间的感情,些那么都过了这么久, 我想已经是极限了... 难道你永远都不回来了吗? 不要和我在一起了吗? 每晚我在静悄悄的哭... 不想给我的朋友们担心我... 所以我扮坚强...

没有你和我的日子是很难熬的... 每晚在我的房间里想着我们相处的时光我就会湿红了眼. 我好怀念你在我怀里撒侨的日子, 好怀念你叫我傻瓜, 好怀念我们在小房里说悄悄笑话. 我好怀念你的一切. 那一切现在只成了我的回忆...

不管你有没有看到这篇文章, 我都希望让你知道, 我会让时间复原一切伤痛... 或你的回归...

Bahasa Perintah - Commanding Orders

Berjalan Masuk Padang

1. Skuad Sedia
2. Bergerak ke kiri/kanan bertiga-tiga ke kiri/kanan pusing
3. Dari kiri/kanan cepat jalan
4. Kanan/ kiri belok
5. Skuad ...... Henti
6. Skuad akan menghadap kehadapan ke kiri/kanan pusing
7. Buka Barisan ....... Gerak!
8. Ke kanan Lurus
9. Pandang Depan

Melapor - All Must Be Quite Or Else... Pay The Price... During Reporting...

Kawad Statik

1. Tutup Barisan...... Gerak!
2. Ke kanan lurus
3. Pandang Depan
4. Senang diri
5. Rehatkan diri
6. Skuad!!! ...... Skuad Sedia
7. Bergerak ke kanan bertiga-tiga ke kanan pusing
8. Bergerak ke kiri bertiga-tiga ke belakang pusing
9. Skuad akan menghadap kebelakang ke kiri pusing
10. Skuad akan menghadap kehadapan ke belakang pusing
11. Hormat, hormat ke hadapan ...... Hormat!!!

Bergerak

1. Bergerak ke kanan bertiga-tiga ke kanan pusing
2. Dari Kiri cepat Jalan
3. Hormat kehadapan ...... Hormat!!!
4. Bergerak ke kanan bertiga-tiga ke belakang pusing
5. Tukar Langkah masa berjalan ...... Tukar Langkah (x3)
6. Bergerak ke kiri bertiga-tiga ke belakang pusing - (Check In Kiri Kanan kiri, Maju)
7. Skuad ...... Henti
8. Skuad akan menghadap kehadapan ke kanan/kiri pusing
9. Ke kanan lurus
10. Pandang hadapan

Mara Menghadap

1. Skuad akan mara menghadap, dari kanan cepat jalan (Kiraan 14 langkah 1,2... Henti)
2. Hormat, ke hadapan ...... Hormat!!!

Berjalan Keluar Padang

1. Skuad akan berjalan keluar, bergerak ke kiri/kanan bertiga-tiga ke kanan/kiri pusing
2. Dari kiri/kanan cepat jalan
3. Kiri/kanan Belok

All this are the command to give during Marching... have to shout damn loud... Not easy being a leader, and it's challenging...

Birthday

29/08/08 - Diary
Hmmm, what day is today...? Looks like a normal Friday, oh yeah today... Today is Hari Ambang Merdeka and also Penghayatan Sastera dan Budaya day, D-Day...!!! And it's also someone's birthday, someone special in this camp - Mejar Hamzah Bin Hussien, my Commander!!! Celebrated his birthday in the mid morning and during night, having BBQ, but more like just normal dinner, we didn't enjoy at all, the BBQ is like every Platoon volunteer 5 people and only this selected 5 will do the cooking the rest should not interfear. At 7.30 p.m sharp, every chinese boys have to report for duty in the hall to arrange and prepare the food for each and every members in he Platoon. So when the muslims go for their prayers we chinese do and prepare the food, sucks,, everyone can have only 1 meat that is beef, chicken and mutton. Haha we chinese of course choos the big meat and leave small or medium size for the muslims - so evil... So many preformance, bored of it, some more I have to gear up my Armor - Full Celoreng = Freaking Hot~!!! Platoon Leaders that didn't take part in any of Sastera dan Budaya preformance have to gear up in their full set EQ Armor, for the class preformance. Hate to wear full celoreng, it's damn thick and hot, well for the class preformance, my class got place 4, not bad... All ended at almost 12.30 a.m, teachers began to give back our phones. Give back haven reached 1 hour a friend of mine from company Bravo lost his phone already, and all Platoon Bravo members have to gather down at the Hall for emergency meeting. According to them, they say that my friend didn't take the phone but when he wanted to take it from teacher , the phone was not in the box. Maybe someone accidently took it or on purpose. Well tomorrow is going to be a torturing day for us, he teachers will surely think of a way to torture us indeed.

When You Left Me...

6/09/08 - Diary
I always though for a happy ending between our relationship, I always believed that we will be together till the end of life. When you left me, I count the steps days that passes by, and the days feel like years when I am alone. The bed where you lie is made up on your side. I believe you can't see or feel how much I miss you right now... When you left me, the pieces of my heart are missing till now, when you're gone, the memories of you and me will always be with me, the words I always need to hear to get me through the day to make me OK is silent already. I miss you, everything that I do and say, reminds me of you and me. When I came home, the things that you gave me mean so much to me, the bed where you lie beside me still smells just like you slept here overnight, I loved all the things that you do. All I ever wanted was for you to know, everything I do I say I give my heart and soul, I cried hardly each night, I need to feel you here with me. It's nice to know we had it all, thanks for watching as I fall... I miss you... Bye^^...

Rainbow

28/08/08 - Diary
Kem Pinggiran Pelangi or short form "KPP", I've read one trainee's online blog, she said that "Don't bother on searching for a rainbow, because when I was here the whole 3 months training, I've not seen one rainbow across the sky of KPP". Well, I saw the Rainbow yesterday at 6.15 p.m. A full rainbow across the skies of "KPP", it was beautiful and I have a feeling that things will turn out to be OK for me, and I hope for it, been badly hurt... But sadly, I have to stand there and see it on my own, I though of seeing this rainbow together with my lover, but too bad, I am single already. Guess that I have to spend this up coming Festivals alone for the 18th year in my life, hope next year I wont be alone... Things have changed as what I said, but hope that this changes will be good and benefit everyone. If I have only one wish, I wish I can have a boyfriend that last till the end with me to view the beautiful shinning bright stars hanging on the clear beautiful night sky, meteor shower, forever our love will go on... But to tell you a secret, I made a wish when I saw that rainbow across the skies of KPP... "Your Happiness".

Wheels Of Fate

Yesterday, at about 6.10 p.m. my mother called me up and told me that she and my dad will be coming back late a little. When I ask her about the reason, she say that my uncle had passed away, I was shocked after what I heard from my mother... But to me nothing special only after what he used my family as his puppet, I honestly to say that I don't have any sadness towards his departure to the side of the other world... I only feel sad for his 5 year old son, because he is going to have a hard time facing this when he grows elder. One of my little cousin told his son that his father has passed away, he say I know... But in actual fact in a few day time he will start asking about his father why is his father not back yet... I feel so sad for my uncle's son but not his death, because it's going to be a hard time for him when he grow elder without any father's love and father's day is just round the corner... My uncle passed away peacefully at 5.30 p.m. in Damansara specialist hospital at age 42, and his body was placed in the morgue for autopsy and the result will be know at today, 9.00 a.m. and it said that his body shall reach his house at 10.00 a.m. to let us see his face for the last time, my uncle is married with a Malay women, so he has to convert into Muslim follow their religion so sadly has a mix son and I have a yin yang cousin. My mother today woke us up at 7 something in the morning... I was like... what the ****, when I wake up I felt like there's 2 boulders pushing me back down on the bed, oh gosh... I asked my mother why the hell so damn early, my mom said my uncle's body will be arriving at 9 or 10 something we all must gather there to pay our last respect... My mom told us to walk to my uncle's house and they are going to the morgue to pick up my uncle's body, but when they reach the hospital... the autopsy was not done yet... Oh My Fucking Son Of A Bitch... the funeral is today and the autopsy was not done... After that, my uncle's body was taken to University Hospital for autopsy... Oh gosh... What is this joke... we were suppose to have the result at 9.00 a.m. and now my uncle's body has been transfer to University Hospital for autopsy...? And the worst case scenario is that the autopsy will be done at 10.00 a.m.... At that time we were still at home until 11.45 a.m. my dad called one of my cousins come and pick us up to our uncle's house... When we reach there, I saw all my uncle auntie crying... My sisters also cried, but I didn't cry, seriously I didn't even shed a single tears for his death... He played my family long enough and this is so called Justice... We suffered enough uncle, because of you... I seriously tell you, It's enough... All his friends and his staff came to the house for gathering to pay their last respect to my uncle, we waited patiently... My sisters and I called many times to ask my mother on what is going on, what is taking it that long to finish it... I remembered she told me that they just started on the autopsy at 11.42 a.m.... I was like Holy Shit Godlike.... It's minute after we arrive only... On 1.45 p.m. my mother smsed us the result of his death, his cause of death was his right side lung blood stream clogged and oxygen can't by pass...

After that we waited and waited after so long of waiting mostly of my uncle's friends left first because they got work to be done... At about 2.45 p.m... My uncle's body finally reached his house and we all pay our last respect to him because after this he will be taken to the burial ground for burial... See everyone crying when they see him, but I didn't I just whisper in my heart, "what happen to you was unexpected and a tragic lost, rest in peace I'll support my own family even when you are not around rather then they let you control their future and ours your service to this world has reach the limits..." The priest say that don't touch or shed tears on him otherwise he will not go in peace, and the priest ask his son to go give him an eternal good bye kiss to his father... After that his body was loaded up the van and was transport to Pahang, Raub for Burial... We all followed and reach there at 5.45 p.m., and at there they chant some prayers to the dead... His burial was fast process and we all have a chance to see his burial and how the Muslims bury their dead, simple way but it's their religion, more like Ta pau (take away)... After the funeral, we have to drive back for freaking 3 hours 15 Min's journey, the cemetery was so fucking deep in...






The Tears Of Aquarius won't be seen so easy... Only to the ones they love...

Turn Back The Pendulum IV

Whao... Look at the date... it's already May 31Th, and Tomorrow is already 1st of June... Counting down 13 days left around here... I feel so sad... I am not working now, spending as many time as I can with my dear, because after that, we will be separated for 3 solid months... On June 14Th... When I reach the camp... Well, let's all countdown 90 days for my return... 89 days... I wish I can escape it... I feel very sad for leaving my dear... I wish I can turn back the pendulum... Time to move slower... But I feel that time have been stolen from me... I would wish to go back in time... Or even extend time... Counting down 13 days from tomorrow onwards... Well dear's gonna come over to my house overnight next week... But next week is already dear's last week of school holiday... And I haven't even start packing my things yet for national service... sucks... And going to shift soon... my room... argh... sad... All undone...

Wheels Of Time...

Last night dear came over to my house overnight hehe... Had a lot of fun with dear hehe, but time passes so fast... Last night slept at 3 a.m. and woke up at 11.30 a.m. And hanging around in the room chatting and playing with dear hehe... Tickling him here and there^^... After that, finally wake up and go watch tv, anime Hell Girl, she's very cool hehe... From 12.30 p.m. watch till 1.00 p.m. and after the show, lie down on the bed chat and think of what to eat for lunch, and finally decided what and where to eat hehe... Went to a near by restaurant to have our lunch~ After having our lunch we went to Watsons to buy my facial things... Dear do all the payings and I feel bad and shy and one more thing, when I wanted to buy ice cream for dear and myself dear don't want and I buy myself only, but dear pay that ice cream also awww... made me so shy... Dear also stayed over for dinner hehe... after dinner my parents gave dear a ride home... weeee hehe... now my parents know where dear stays already... After sending dear back home and I came back home online, I was curious and I went to check my National Service things.... And the list finally came out... awww.... I was sent to Sabah... Damn Fucked.... Haiz... Dear also very emotion now... I also very emotion... Haiz... I will spent full time with dear if possible... I'll stop work at 24Th May to spend more time with dear before I go NS... ^^



Love Dear Loads ^^ Muacks~~~

Turn Back The Pendulum III

Wow... Just came back from dinner with my dear dear and my brother kim... Enjoyed the food hehe, dear worried that I didn't enjoy the food haha... But I enjoyed it hehe... Time passes so fast, went there to "New Paris" was almost 9 p.m hehe... Food came very fast and I didn't know it came so fast haha, just after 10 minutes or more a bit... Not bad that restaurant, reasonable price, fast food, and nice also... That restaurant is big haha, so many customers ... Hmmm just now dear told me he write a new blog and I read it already... Dear seems unhappy after reading my previous blog, Turn Back The Pendulum II... Mentioning about the thing that made me uneasy and unhappy haha... Dear thinks that I am angry or some what... But angry is got la, and feel a bit betrayed also because I tell dear most of the website I surf, but dear hide one website from me and told me that he seldom go already... But haiz... Maybe I should not interfer so much in dear's private stuffs, should give him more privacy maybe... haha... Haiz... Don't know also, going to reach June 14Th as each day passes by... I hate National Service Oh My Fucking God... Hope dear won't do anything stupid for this 3 months when I am gone... Trust him loads, but worried too much...

Love ya Dear^^ Muacks...~

Turn Back The Pendulum II

Well today spend time with dear hahaha... Fetch him back home after he dismiss from school... Last night dear told me to go read his blog, but I didn't because lack of time; 1.45 a.m. already, and another 15 minutes more will be 2 a.m. hehe, cannot break the promise so I decide to head to bed instead of staying up late and break our rules... Hmmm as today I read Dear's blog, I felt happy but there's one kind of feeling inside me that my self also don't have the answer... I feel happy because dear can accept himself already and understands who is he now rather then fighting againts it and hiding from everyone... After fetching dear back home, I went in to dear's room also haha... Then dear on his computer for me to surf the internet, so I also sign in dear's msn and see... But my curiosity made me open dear's mail box and I found an gay website someone send him Flying Hearts... And I was unhappy about it because dear didn't tell or mention about this website besides axcest.com... well tonight going to have dinner with dear and my bro kim hehe... Hmmmm feel kinda disturb because of that website and dear didn't tell me about it... It feel like dear's hiding from me and I uncovered a hidden relic... Time passes so fast until it's time for dinner already... Unfair haiz....

Turn Back The Pendulum...

Whoa... Look at the date... It's already May 12Th, dead line is June 14Th... That time got to go already haha... But to me June 13Th is already the last day, and 14Th is my departure to National service haha... I hope 3 months is fast, really hope so... Can't wait to get back and reunion with my Dear and my Brothers... haiz... Going on June 14Th and after reaching the camp, begin to countdown till September 6Th... If there's one wish, I would wish for to Turn Back The Pendulum... Go back through time to change my National Service... I really don't want to go, to me, it's a waste of time, 3 solid months for there also don't know what is the meaning of it, worst part... Have to cut a army hair style = Short till to the max equal to bald head... Really feel like killing the culprit who made this National Service program... Gona miss my dear and my brothers... haiz... damn hate this NS... Well, what's done is already done... No one can change it, poor me... want to study college to escape also cannot, can't afford XD...

Time with dear..

Haha, today spend time with dear... we went out to eat dinner with my brother, only the 3 of us... Had fun haha, just when eating quite only... Hmmm, hope dear had lots of fun also ahha... I've notice I have not been blogging for a long time already... Erm, Kinda busy this few weeks hahaha... well I'll spend time to blog more if can, really hope I and dear are back to normal already... since we argue lots for the past few weeks on every issue we chat on... haha... love ya dear... ^^ muacks~

Apart of The Chamber Of Secrets...

The Pandora's Box
Today, I've showed my dear apart of my little secret... A box from the past... Memories of everything kept in it... Items that belong to my very own pain and I kept it in a small box... Some secrets maybe words, but I have a secret that I can only tell by showing it... I name this box The Pandora's Box... A box that once gave me life to live on, happy memories... But all turned out to be the most painful memories of my past... Legend has it, The Pandora's Box looks beautiful from the outside... But once open, It unleashes a powerful plague that kills all life on earth... This box is special, although it is apart of my Chamber Of Secrets... But it exist in my life so that I can show people about it and tell about it... I've shown dear what is inside... Every single item's story... Who I wanted to give, who gave it to me... Dear was so happy and interested in hearing and seeing all those things... And I gave dear 1 chain haha... This chain has a story of it, I wanted to give it to a boy that I once like, at first he accepted it and later on, he gave it back to me... Who cares now, it's already a past... I've found my love already... I feel very happy and glad to show dear about my secret although it's not all, but I hope it's consider much already... Spend time with dear today... Haha, not bad... A nice and damn hot day... Hope dear won't mind that I'm not telling everything in a day or two... Slowly as time comes I'll reveal it one by one to show and let dear know about it...

About me...

Born in February 14Th 1990... Valentines day... Given a name and carry on a curse that was born within me.. I only bring pain to the love ones who care for me... Hurting their feelings and destroying their hearts that who closes on to me, I cannot bring happiness to people... I've hurt many people in ways that sometimes I don't even notice myself until when I think back what I've eventually done... and it's too late to undo what's been done it's done... I hurt others feelings through words, what I've said... But many of them pretend that nothing had happen and I know that I've already hurt them...

I've became a changed man, there's too many things, I've been hiding my real self deep inside me for a long time... A cold look with no laughter on it... A cold pair of eyes giving out cold aura to who ever looks straight in it... Maybe it's because I hold too many things in my ownself... I was once called a boy that brings pain to others by one of my family members... I was also given a title called "Destroyer", a boy that will never stops destroying things even if it's the thing I like the most... As I grow older, I notice that I can create and destroy the things I love, the people I love, things beside me...

Chamber Of Secrets...

I've seen the inner world of myself... All I see in my world are millions of doors in it, misleading, confusions, misunderstanding, a total mysterious world... It's like a never ending journey, entering a door but after entering it, it leads to another door... Every door represents the past of me, what I've done, what I've achieve, my most happy moments, my saddest moments... But through all this doors in my world, there's one door that leads it deep down to a dark core where there's a chamber hidden through light from shinning in... The Chamber Of Secrets I named it, this chamber is totally protected, a barrier and millions of locks, locking all secrets in it and preventing any trespassers from coming in, and a curse that anyone who tries entering it will end up hurt and heartbroken, confusion, misleading, misunderstanding matters, a total impact on mental attack... It's like a nuclear bomb, once explodes causes tremendous destruction to the person who cannot accepts it... This chamber has 2 parts of it, Questions and Answers...

I hold secrets not only from myself... I hold secrets of others, and all this secrets goes into that chamber, not totally all secrets, only selected secrets should be stored in it and never be revealed once and for all till I leave this world... This chamber was created for a reason, it's to protected the one that I love the most, from not letting him get hurt because secrets that will hurt him... But by having the chamber of secrets, there's a price that I have to pay for it... The price is it will causes the one I love into mysterious feelings like he feels that I am a stranger to him hiding too many things from him... It's truly unfair, but this Chamber was created to protect and destroy... By holding this Chamber Of Secrets, it is totally uneasy, I do feel sad most of the time carrying such heavy vault and I've to wear an iron mask all day to act like there's nothing wrong with me... As I believe, this chamber will one day destroy me and I understand the consequences of it...

As today, I've revealed one secret to the one that I loved, a actual secret that kept me form tremendous confusion and misunderstanding from the day this secret was born because of a dream and I really mind about it... Before this I told Dear about it before, but I lie about it and I finally told him the actual thing today... As I predicted tremendous confusion, misunderstanding and misleading erupt in his mind... Hurt him, I know I was in fault for changing part of it and told a lie instead of the real thing and if I wanted to tell, why didn't I be honest with him and why did I added somethings that it was suppose to be real and I faked it... I was so afraid that if I tell this secret out it might happen, and if I don't tell it out, my emotions will hurt the one I love and it might happen... For once I think it over, if it really happens, who should I blame... My Dear or Other people...? No one to be blamed but my own self... Because this secret is a key of trust and believe... I tell it out, maybe because I don't trust him and doubt him that he will do it when I am not around... But if I don't tell it out, and one day he finds out by himself, he will be hurt and saying I don't trust him at all... Dear was totally emo after what I told him... It's like there is no point of being together, because it's like I don't trust him... Or maybe because of me it happened... After this matter, dear said that I truly have a dark world that he doesn't really understands it...

It takes time for a person to really get to understand my true world, not all people can accept it just like accepting a treat from a friend... It is totally mysterious inside from hiding something like this... So far, I've already revealed 3 secrets to the one I loved, 1st secret made him sad, confuse, misunderstand, misleading, and hurting him... 2Nd secret made him jealous and hurt I feel... 3rd secret made him kinda emo due to the same background of what is happening... I really know all this hurts, that's why sometimes I am afraid of letting the one I love know and I rather be a mysterious man instead of seeing the one I love getting hurt and emo...

There was one time I though I can be truly honest with dear, but I found out that all this secrets do hurt dear badly... In order to protect, I rather be mysterious better then letting him getting hurt and let time by time showing him one matter by one matter... Slowly letting him to know me, I've no intension of hiding so many things from him, my love is not fake towards him... I don't want dear to have unhappy moments with me... I notice that when ever I accidentally hurt him, he says nothing... It really makes me feel bad, because I know what is going on but when I ask him he says nothing, I know he doesn't want me to feel bad... But by hiding it and I know the truth makes me feel more bad... We're like in a relationship of secrets, because of me... I am the one who created it... I've so many secrets to tell dear, but some secrets might hurt dear's feelings... I know that I've hurt dear many times, until 1 time dear cried because I told dear of something that dear really didn't like, because of love, dear had to carry on even nothing happened... I can hurt the one I love by not knowing it myself...















Forgive me dear, I've been keeping so many things from you... Hurting you... Sorry...

Unfinish Business...

It's been awhile since I never write any new blogs... There were many things going on and was busy handling them... Haha, but still have time for my dear ^^... Saturday dear came over to my house to overnight, hehe had fun when dear was in my House... Spend time with dear, and dear even had dinner in my house on Sunday night haha... Dear told me a lot of his past and the things that were about dear's unhappy moments... Dear has a lot of it I know, words from other's really makes dear unhappy, minding what they say... After dinner, we both surf the net haha... And later on call my little brother come out together and have drinks at Kepong Baru because after drinking can straight send dear home ^^... Had a lot of fun with dear ^^... Hehe, after getting my pay... gona take dear to eat pizza haha^^...

Sorry...

Dear, I am very sorry if I said something that hurt you just now... I feel that our relationship is cold... We're both very busy, and as day passes by we end up nothing to chat about... there's emptiness I feel between our relationship... Maybe it's my problem that is making our relationship cold... But I do love you a lot dear... I feel that this coldness will one day break my heart and yours... I know dear you love me a lot... I love you a lot also... In the eyes of others we don't look like couples, many said we're very cold towards each other... I feel that I am a failure to make dear happy, I can protect... But what good if I can't make the one I love happy... My time will be running out as each day passes... Time won't give a chance to stop... and each day flying by is very hard to accept... I don't want both of us to be sad...


Dear don't misunderstand this blog I wrote, I am not leaving you... I wont leave you, and I love you a lot... ^^


Because I am a boy that is willing to give away everything for love, Please don't break a Heart of a boy, who'll do anything for love... Because I am a boy, that love is everything to me...

Friends Or Foe

Friday
It's been almost 3 weeks since we were not that close to each other already... It all began because of an online game we played together... On that day, I've just woke up and the first thing I do is login Maple Story, and after login to my character, as normal... I usually walked around to find things to do or just to think of something to come out with, then I noticed that, time was almost up for me to get ready for work... Before I was away from keyboard... I left my character in one of Maple Story most busy channel and place, "Free Market"... There were many players around and the whole place was crowded and if you type a message you can't even get to see what others are talking due to other players spamming through out the whole day... Before I was declared away, I've experience a few times disconnect from the server, and when I login to the game I saw my close friend is already in the game don't have a clue on what was he doing because I seldom ask what are my friends doing in games... After that, I was away from keyboard to get ready for work... Having my bath and breakfast all those stuffs... Before I step out of the house, I'll shutdown my computer and logout my Maple Story and not even looking at my previous chats due to where I am in the game...


Saturday - Evening
The next day, when I was playing Maple Story as usual with some other friends, I notice that my friend - DragonValor, one of my best friend in real life and games... I asked him some questions about Maple and he didn't even care of answering me... Ignoring me through out the day... One of my friend- Kim, notice this matter also, and he helped me to ask what had happened... But Dragon refuse to speak anything out from his mouth... until late night, Kim phone dragon and ask him about what had happened... He told Kim that he ignored me because I ignored him on Friday morning... I was like "Huh?! what is he talking about...? When did he called me and I ignored him...?" so many freaking questions on my mind...

Sunday - Night
At night I called Kim out and call Dragon along, because I wanted to ask and put this matter to a rest once and for all... We went to the cafe first and later on, we went for a drink in a restaurant... And I brought this matter up, asking him what is wrong... what are you angry of? He denied it by saying, I don't know what are you talking about, showing us all sorts of faces and colours, Mixed... By asking him so many rounds of "hat's wrong with you..." I finally can't take it anymore, I began saying things like this... " if you're a man, and there's trouble troubling you say it out talk like a man to settle this case like a man, rather than keep on denying it and showing your face like this to us, keep on denying it will not help you solve this matter, your face has already stated that you're mad of me because of something, now tell me what have I done wrong to provoke you... " At last he said it all out... and we discuss it, he was saying I ignored him in game... and saying all kind of stuffs and finally settled...

After that day, I notice that he is a changed man... The one that I use to know is like dead a long time already, It's just I didn't notice that he was changed until that day... Last time he wouldn't get angry over such small matters, but now... He takes it seriously... And now when we meet each other, we already seldom talk to each other... We still talk, but very short talk... just ask and answer then silent already, nothing much to talk already... we both are almost like ice when we meet each other... nothing but only cold smile and laughs... Are we still Friends...? Or you have already declared me as your Foe...? Question lurks beneath my heart... I dare to say he already knows about my secret...






Friend Or Foe, You choose... To me, the path of life is still a long way to go, less you this kind of friend won't give me any benefit to my life... Of course, to have you as my friend is much more better...

Nothing But Memories... A Story About A Boy...

In this story that I write, names of the person that I am describing will not be revealed, and the person I will be writing about will only be described as "He"... His story is all only but happy memories and his sad memories with the one he loved the most... A sad story about a boy... Each night he taste the purest of pain...

His a boy that carries a happy face where ever he goes, smiling all the way, staying very strong like other normal boys... But, in the other side... He is nothing but a sad boy being played by Love, acting happy and strong as each day passes... hiding all his sadness, pain, loneliness through his smiles... Facing the world by wearing a mask... Hiding deep inside his cold heart core, carrying a secret like me... Unable to tell other friends like normal secrets that buddies share along their friendship life, choosing who to tell, this secret only can be told to the boys that are same kind like him, and shall not be expose to others due to social, family, friends, religion pressure... Yes, as I write the word "same kind like me" is referring to homosexual... During his secondary level, when he was in form 4... He deeply fell in love with a boy that is younger than him by 1 year if I'm not mistaken... He truly loved him with pure heart, but... the boy that he loves is nothing only but a shadow... He cannot give what he seeks in him, because the boy He love is normal, straight... During school days, he treated that boy as if they were in a relationship... giving everything to the boy that he loves, fetching him after school, buying him the things that he likes... Fulfilling his lover's dreams... giving him almost everything he wants... Even though he knows that the boy he loves will not accept him, yet he continues to scarifies almost everything for the boy he loves the most, just to see him happy and laugh all day... Every time after school, if there's a chance to fetch his lover back, he would be very gladly and happy to fetch him back home from school and not needing any promises from his lover...

His a boy that understands situation... He understands what is love and he also understands that he will not be given a chance to be with the boy he loves because of fate... His love towards that boy is so pure, and deep like an ocean... He once told me that he only wishes to see the one he love happy and willing to do anything that will make him happy although they cannot be couples... For all the love he found in that boy... He was his strength when he was weak, his voice when he could not speak... Gave him wings and made him fly... When he lost his faith, he gave it back to him... Can't be apart of life... but his thankful for each day he gave him... Through all the lies he was the only one that is truth... A place in his heart that no other boys can take over... All he feels that he was blessed to get to know the boy he loved in his life...

On February 14Th... Valentines day, He was a boy that shattered into million of pieces... The one he loved was in a relationship, and he fetched his lover to go buy valentines gift for his girlfriend... He was so sad... and there's one time, he get to go to his lover's house and stayed overnight with the one he loved... at night, he heard his lover talking to his girlfriend... Heart broken, yet he didn't gave up on loving the boy he felled for, with no regrets until today...

He is also a boy that love is everything to him... His heart is like the north star...






The north star will be always in the north... It wont follow the season to move... Guiding the one he love, always shinning brightly in the north sky every night...

EMO Day...

What a day I called it... Jeezs, already tired enough everyday have to walk to work in the mid morning... The Sun is Terrible Hot... Damn, got license and no car to drive... so sad... when reach working place already sweat until like just had a bath... When reach work place, let a freaking stupid Idiot staff made me angry and almost drive me up the wall... Do things do half way and just leave it be, don't want to follow orders, damn...! Well what to do, I am only 18 years old, and I'm a Assistant Manager, I'll be commanding those staffs that are elder than me... who will listen to a young 18 year old kiddo... Damn... really got to show my powers out only they will move, if not you'll probably see them lepak here there... sometimes even didn't finish their things also run already... Later on, when I was MSNing with my dear... My boss mother came to the Cafe and tell to work on Sunday... I was like, WTF... I have only 1 day rest this week... my eyes were like gonna pop out already after hearing what that "Bitch" told me... But Saturday I told my dear that I gonna go his house overnight already, and on Sunday go out with dear to buy some stuffs... Just because my bosses's family members are gonna reunion on Sunday... and I have to replace her daugther's job on Sunday... When I heard this news, I was like very bored and tired... thinking that I have only 1 day freedom... They sometimes really forgets that their workers are Humans and they need rest and freedom, But most of the time, they thinks that their workers are running on battery and can recharge like a phone... Mostly I'll try to push it away... But that "Bitch" says things until like its very important reunion, saying her distance father in law this that what Son Of A Bitch come back here, This that 1 whole big family gathering there and sing " I love you, you love me, We are happy Family... " awww so romantic... feel like killing them... make me so Emo... when it comes to holiday I'll be very happy... But when holiday is taken away from me... I'll be a Killing Angel... Want to Destroy... THE WORST PART IS... There's no replacement for my holiday...........................................................................................................






Dear if today I let you felt lonely, I am Sorry... I'm kinda stress up now...

Funeral - Angel Of Deaths...

Today I've just attended a friend of mine friend's relative funeral... We were invited to pay our last respect to the deceased, we were all dressed in full black... Looks kinda cool, except one of an idiotic friend of mine wear red shirt with black strips on it... Lucky one of my other friend brought along a black jacket and landed him to wear to cover his red shirt... Damn stupid way of wearing, and he said that no one told him that we were attending a funeral... We were discussing in the car about that guy who wear a red shirt, one of my friend said, "if he pass away... let's all wear full red to attend his funeral... Not a bad idea..." We reach there about 9.30 p.m. Whao, lots of their relatives were there... any we find out that the deceased was 103 years old, Whao...!!! their family members all dressed in red... Haha at 10.00 p.m. we all gather to pray the deceased and pay our last respect to him or her... I also don't know whether is a girl or boy, whatever... After that, we dismiss ourselves... wahahaha... But it's not the first time I've attended a funeral... Quite a number of times d haha...

Happy Times...^^

Haha, Dear came today... and his gona stay overnight at my house haha.. sooo happy^^... whao, dear cut his hair d... before cutting its already short... now cut again, even more short... swt...=.=' dear continue to cut again will be "botak" o... but dear cut d looks very cute o ^^... haha, tonight gona hug dear all night, and chat with him all about our secrets and past... and it's going to be a cold night... dear looks a bit bored now... what to do leh... hmmm... thinking of a way to make dear happy... tonight looks like we're gona stay up late till A.Ms... and gona be awake at P.Ms... Swt... tomorrow going to MidValley, walk and see what to buy... erm... buy 1 shirt... get somethings for dear^^... dear suggested it de haha... gona get a ring >.<"... weeeee~~~



Wishing for a beautiful day tomorrow, so that dear and I can be happy^^...

I Know...

Day by day passes by, each day I feel that the day to National Service is getting near... and I know dear is very sad about it... because I'll be gone for 3 months, 90 days, 2160 hours... Dear will be lonely for that long... and he will be very sad about it, but on every weekend I'll call dear up and chat with him... Dear always acts happy, but inside his heart, his very sad... because I wont be around for 3 months... I'll mostly be sent to Sarawak or Sabah or other states for National Service training, I really wish I'll be the luckiest one to be sent to the nearest camp around K.L, so that dear can come visit me if possible^^... Damn, I do admit that I hate National Service a lot... when I checked through website, and I saw my name on it... I was so emo, that i started to curse this idiot bastard who planned this National Service... Damn...!!! until today I still curse him badly... wasting my time... I'm not an active outdoor kid... man, this sucks... and have to cut a very short kind of hair also... makes me feel sick of thinking it... I really hope dear won't get National Service after 2 years later... I feel sick of thinking and imagine that dear all alone, I'm not on MSN to chat and webcam with him...




If you're lonely, close your eyes and think of me, in that pitch black, you'll see the happy memories that we were together, and you will notice that you're not alone... I'm always inside your heart, we're one...

No matter what happens...

This morning, at 1.15 a.m... dear was very sad because of his life and because of his little secret... We chatting for a long hours, from 1 a.m we chatted till 3.25 a.m in the morning, Omg... It's just a few hours back... and... dear surely gets not enough sleep... Omg... Hope dear can concentrate in his exam... We both made a lot of promises and talk about our secrets, I understand how it feels dear... I do... so believe me, you will make it through one day... You will find yourself in your own darkness... I found myself and created a new hope of life to live on... If your anger sparks, I'll be there to control you... you can call me and shout out loud if you want to, I don't mind... I can lend you my hand to let you bite just to relieve you anger... I won't mind... Don't be afraid to be who you want to be dear, It's alright to come out... Trust me dear, you will feel more relieve and happy when you come out to face it all...





Fame, Dignity, Face, Wealth... I am willing to let go everything just to be who I want to be... Without fears...

Unfair...

At times, I really wonders how does the human races think of others different from them... I am a gay, but in this world, there's almost 70% of man kind doesn't support gays and lesbians as apart of life... They think that we are against them or against religions, we are humans !!! not creatures, we didn't hurt anyone of you out there... why must we be treated as a monster, a mutant... we are same like you guys... Why must we be "ANTI"...? Why can't we be apart of life, because of what, what excuse, in who's name, to stop us... treated differently... Is it God...? The Christian Bible...? God created us, he gave us feelings, love... if it's the bible that wrote loving the same sex is a wrong way and will leads you to hell, then I say, God gave you the brain to think and you've misused it, you cannot think clearly about life itself, rather than following a lifeless object and it's words as guides... and surely those who thinks it's true after reading the Bible, I dare to say that they misunderstand the meaning of it... God Created us, just think over it... We are hiding among ourselves, why can't we just come out from the shell, rather than hiding in the dark where we cannot show our true self... some even wants to fake themselves... why can't this world use their mind and just think for this matter for 1 minute, just 1 minute, it won't stop this world from turning just for 1 minute of thinking, whether is it right to stop us from being who we are, judging us... No men in this world has the actual power to judge others for trying to be who they want to be... It's really cruel towards us... I feel sad about it... The brains were given to a person but they simply can't master the basic of it's use...







If a lifeless book can control man kind, then this world has lost it's light a long time ago...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I really feel that I always hurt the one who loves and cares for me the most... By how I'm hurting them...?? It's in a way of leaving them to feel lonely, when they need me at times, I'm not there to be with them... And I've just know that my Dear's gona have trouble on tuesday with some other guy because of a best friend's ex-boyfriend gona come and find dear some trouble... But, I'll be working on that day... Don't know how to counter it... Erm... Should I reveal my "darkside" of me? I think I've been keeping my profile too low for a while already... Should it be time? I don't really know... But, one thing is for sure... if anything happens to dear... I'm sorry, for the guy... I know who is he, where he lives, who he joins, what is he doing, I can get his personal information easy... Sounds joking eh...^^? We will see if it happens.... But better not...

I'll always Protect you... In a way that Is Silent...