EMO Day...

What a day I called it... Jeezs, already tired enough everyday have to walk to work in the mid morning... The Sun is Terrible Hot... Damn, got license and no car to drive... so sad... when reach working place already sweat until like just had a bath... When reach work place, let a freaking stupid Idiot staff made me angry and almost drive me up the wall... Do things do half way and just leave it be, don't want to follow orders, damn...! Well what to do, I am only 18 years old, and I'm a Assistant Manager, I'll be commanding those staffs that are elder than me... who will listen to a young 18 year old kiddo... Damn... really got to show my powers out only they will move, if not you'll probably see them lepak here there... sometimes even didn't finish their things also run already... Later on, when I was MSNing with my dear... My boss mother came to the Cafe and tell to work on Sunday... I was like, WTF... I have only 1 day rest this week... my eyes were like gonna pop out already after hearing what that "Bitch" told me... But Saturday I told my dear that I gonna go his house overnight already, and on Sunday go out with dear to buy some stuffs... Just because my bosses's family members are gonna reunion on Sunday... and I have to replace her daugther's job on Sunday... When I heard this news, I was like very bored and tired... thinking that I have only 1 day freedom... They sometimes really forgets that their workers are Humans and they need rest and freedom, But most of the time, they thinks that their workers are running on battery and can recharge like a phone... Mostly I'll try to push it away... But that "Bitch" says things until like its very important reunion, saying her distance father in law this that what Son Of A Bitch come back here, This that 1 whole big family gathering there and sing " I love you, you love me, We are happy Family... " awww so romantic... feel like killing them... make me so Emo... when it comes to holiday I'll be very happy... But when holiday is taken away from me... I'll be a Killing Angel... Want to Destroy... THE WORST PART IS... There's no replacement for my holiday...........................................................................................................






Dear if today I let you felt lonely, I am Sorry... I'm kinda stress up now...

Funeral - Angel Of Deaths...

Today I've just attended a friend of mine friend's relative funeral... We were invited to pay our last respect to the deceased, we were all dressed in full black... Looks kinda cool, except one of an idiotic friend of mine wear red shirt with black strips on it... Lucky one of my other friend brought along a black jacket and landed him to wear to cover his red shirt... Damn stupid way of wearing, and he said that no one told him that we were attending a funeral... We were discussing in the car about that guy who wear a red shirt, one of my friend said, "if he pass away... let's all wear full red to attend his funeral... Not a bad idea..." We reach there about 9.30 p.m. Whao, lots of their relatives were there... any we find out that the deceased was 103 years old, Whao...!!! their family members all dressed in red... Haha at 10.00 p.m. we all gather to pray the deceased and pay our last respect to him or her... I also don't know whether is a girl or boy, whatever... After that, we dismiss ourselves... wahahaha... But it's not the first time I've attended a funeral... Quite a number of times d haha...

Happy Times...^^

Haha, Dear came today... and his gona stay overnight at my house haha.. sooo happy^^... whao, dear cut his hair d... before cutting its already short... now cut again, even more short... swt...=.=' dear continue to cut again will be "botak" o... but dear cut d looks very cute o ^^... haha, tonight gona hug dear all night, and chat with him all about our secrets and past... and it's going to be a cold night... dear looks a bit bored now... what to do leh... hmmm... thinking of a way to make dear happy... tonight looks like we're gona stay up late till A.Ms... and gona be awake at P.Ms... Swt... tomorrow going to MidValley, walk and see what to buy... erm... buy 1 shirt... get somethings for dear^^... dear suggested it de haha... gona get a ring >.<"... weeeee~~~



Wishing for a beautiful day tomorrow, so that dear and I can be happy^^...

I Know...

Day by day passes by, each day I feel that the day to National Service is getting near... and I know dear is very sad about it... because I'll be gone for 3 months, 90 days, 2160 hours... Dear will be lonely for that long... and he will be very sad about it, but on every weekend I'll call dear up and chat with him... Dear always acts happy, but inside his heart, his very sad... because I wont be around for 3 months... I'll mostly be sent to Sarawak or Sabah or other states for National Service training, I really wish I'll be the luckiest one to be sent to the nearest camp around K.L, so that dear can come visit me if possible^^... Damn, I do admit that I hate National Service a lot... when I checked through website, and I saw my name on it... I was so emo, that i started to curse this idiot bastard who planned this National Service... Damn...!!! until today I still curse him badly... wasting my time... I'm not an active outdoor kid... man, this sucks... and have to cut a very short kind of hair also... makes me feel sick of thinking it... I really hope dear won't get National Service after 2 years later... I feel sick of thinking and imagine that dear all alone, I'm not on MSN to chat and webcam with him...




If you're lonely, close your eyes and think of me, in that pitch black, you'll see the happy memories that we were together, and you will notice that you're not alone... I'm always inside your heart, we're one...

No matter what happens...

This morning, at 1.15 a.m... dear was very sad because of his life and because of his little secret... We chatting for a long hours, from 1 a.m we chatted till 3.25 a.m in the morning, Omg... It's just a few hours back... and... dear surely gets not enough sleep... Omg... Hope dear can concentrate in his exam... We both made a lot of promises and talk about our secrets, I understand how it feels dear... I do... so believe me, you will make it through one day... You will find yourself in your own darkness... I found myself and created a new hope of life to live on... If your anger sparks, I'll be there to control you... you can call me and shout out loud if you want to, I don't mind... I can lend you my hand to let you bite just to relieve you anger... I won't mind... Don't be afraid to be who you want to be dear, It's alright to come out... Trust me dear, you will feel more relieve and happy when you come out to face it all...





Fame, Dignity, Face, Wealth... I am willing to let go everything just to be who I want to be... Without fears...

Unfair...

At times, I really wonders how does the human races think of others different from them... I am a gay, but in this world, there's almost 70% of man kind doesn't support gays and lesbians as apart of life... They think that we are against them or against religions, we are humans !!! not creatures, we didn't hurt anyone of you out there... why must we be treated as a monster, a mutant... we are same like you guys... Why must we be "ANTI"...? Why can't we be apart of life, because of what, what excuse, in who's name, to stop us... treated differently... Is it God...? The Christian Bible...? God created us, he gave us feelings, love... if it's the bible that wrote loving the same sex is a wrong way and will leads you to hell, then I say, God gave you the brain to think and you've misused it, you cannot think clearly about life itself, rather than following a lifeless object and it's words as guides... and surely those who thinks it's true after reading the Bible, I dare to say that they misunderstand the meaning of it... God Created us, just think over it... We are hiding among ourselves, why can't we just come out from the shell, rather than hiding in the dark where we cannot show our true self... some even wants to fake themselves... why can't this world use their mind and just think for this matter for 1 minute, just 1 minute, it won't stop this world from turning just for 1 minute of thinking, whether is it right to stop us from being who we are, judging us... No men in this world has the actual power to judge others for trying to be who they want to be... It's really cruel towards us... I feel sad about it... The brains were given to a person but they simply can't master the basic of it's use...







If a lifeless book can control man kind, then this world has lost it's light a long time ago...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I really feel that I always hurt the one who loves and cares for me the most... By how I'm hurting them...?? It's in a way of leaving them to feel lonely, when they need me at times, I'm not there to be with them... And I've just know that my Dear's gona have trouble on tuesday with some other guy because of a best friend's ex-boyfriend gona come and find dear some trouble... But, I'll be working on that day... Don't know how to counter it... Erm... Should I reveal my "darkside" of me? I think I've been keeping my profile too low for a while already... Should it be time? I don't really know... But, one thing is for sure... if anything happens to dear... I'm sorry, for the guy... I know who is he, where he lives, who he joins, what is he doing, I can get his personal information easy... Sounds joking eh...^^? We will see if it happens.... But better not...

I'll always Protect you... In a way that Is Silent...

Lonely...

At times, when I think back I feel very sorry for my dear, and I feel bad and selfish because most of the time I leave my dear lonely and I enjoy myself in Maple Story... Dear always worries about me, but I think when I was playing I didn't realize it at all... Staying out late till A.M in the morning... making him worry more... I really feel guilty for doing all this to the person that love me a lot... Especially my dear... hope dear don't be sad because of being lonely... I'm always in your heart... I'm sorry for letting you being lonely...




When you feel lonely, look up at the sky, the sky links to the whole wide world, no matter where we are... when you and me look at the sky, our hearts and linked together as one...

All Over... A New Day Has Come...

For much pain I've gone through, finally the pain stopped... For almost coming to 5 years of time, I've been in deep pain... the days were so cold and lonely, and each night I taste the purest of pain... But I've gone through all those pain... and finally it has come to a stop point. For quite sometime I didn't fell for anyone or having feelings towards anyone... It's just like I've lost my feelings towards this world... At times, I see this world as "Lifeless"... No meaning for me to move on... I've fell down to the deep darkness in myself... All left alone in the darkness, It's like I've lost myself in my own body... where I’ve become so numb, there’s nothing inside, I’ve been living a lie... without a thought, without a voice, without a soul... On February 14Th, Valentines day... my birthday... I've become so cold, even a touch of my hand to others will send my cold down too their bones... I was so sad, and jealous of couples walking around on valentines day... giving flowers, accepting gifts from their loves ones... dating out.... but I was left lonely alone working on that day... without a love one... lonely and passed valentines day all alone...

But after a while of my upside down life, things started to changed back to the way It seems. I've met someone who really cares for me, love me... a person that I can call "Dear"... a person for me to love... and all I felt... I was not lonely anymore, things in me began to change, A love that Leading him down into my core, where my spirit is sleeping somewhere cold... I feel that I’ve been sleeping a 1000 years it seems, and It's time open my eyes again... a light in the dark shining his love into my life, I found love... He gave me strength to move on, he saw the best there was in me, he gave me faith because he believed... I'm grateful for each day he gave me... For after so long, I finally came back to my own... I've woke up from the dark, and I'll try to spend every moment with him...


I was blessed because I was loved by you... The story of us shall go on...