I've seen the inner world of myself... All I see in my world are millions of doors in it, misleading, confusions, misunderstanding, a total mysterious world... It's like a never ending journey, entering a door but after entering it, it leads to another door... Every door represents the past of me, what I've done, what I've achieve, my most happy moments, my saddest moments... But through all this doors in my world, there's one door that leads it deep down to a dark core where there's a chamber hidden through light from shinning in... The Chamber Of Secrets I named it, this chamber is totally protected, a barrier and millions of locks, locking all secrets in it and preventing any trespassers from coming in, and a curse that anyone who tries entering it will end up hurt and heartbroken, confusion, misleading, misunderstanding matters, a total impact on mental attack... It's like a nuclear bomb, once explodes causes tremendous destruction to the person who cannot accepts it... This chamber has 2 parts of it, Questions and Answers...
I hold secrets not only from myself... I hold secrets of others, and all this secrets goes into that chamber, not totally all secrets, only selected secrets should be stored in it and never be revealed once and for all till I leave this world... This chamber was created for a reason, it's to protected the one that I love the most, from not letting him get hurt because secrets that will hurt him... But by having the chamber of secrets, there's a price that I have to pay for it... The price is it will causes the one I love into mysterious feelings like he feels that I am a stranger to him hiding too many things from him... It's truly unfair, but this Chamber was created to protect and destroy... By holding this Chamber Of Secrets, it is totally uneasy, I do feel sad most of the time carrying such heavy vault and I've to wear an iron mask all day to act like there's nothing wrong with me... As I believe, this chamber will one day destroy me and I understand the consequences of it...
As today, I've revealed one secret to the one that I loved, a actual secret that kept me form tremendous confusion and misunderstanding from the day this secret was born because of a dream and I really mind about it... Before this I told Dear about it before, but I lie about it and I finally told him the actual thing today... As I predicted tremendous confusion, misunderstanding and misleading erupt in his mind... Hurt him, I know I was in fault for changing part of it and told a lie instead of the real thing and if I wanted to tell, why didn't I be honest with him and why did I added somethings that it was suppose to be real and I faked it... I was so afraid that if I tell this secret out it might happen, and if I don't tell it out, my emotions will hurt the one I love and it might happen... For once I think it over, if it really happens, who should I blame... My Dear or Other people...? No one to be blamed but my own self... Because this secret is a key of trust and believe... I tell it out, maybe because I don't trust him and doubt him that he will do it when I am not around... But if I don't tell it out, and one day he finds out by himself, he will be hurt and saying I don't trust him at all... Dear was totally emo after what I told him... It's like there is no point of being together, because it's like I don't trust him... Or maybe because of me it happened... After this matter, dear said that I truly have a dark world that he doesn't really understands it...
It takes time for a person to really get to understand my true world, not all people can accept it just like accepting a treat from a friend... It is totally mysterious inside from hiding something like this... So far, I've already revealed 3 secrets to the one I loved, 1st secret made him sad, confuse, misunderstand, misleading, and hurting him... 2Nd secret made him jealous and hurt I feel... 3rd secret made him kinda emo due to the same background of what is happening... I really know all this hurts, that's why sometimes I am afraid of letting the one I love know and I rather be a mysterious man instead of seeing the one I love getting hurt and emo...
There was one time I though I can be truly honest with dear, but I found out that all this secrets do hurt dear badly... In order to protect, I rather be mysterious better then letting him getting hurt and let time by time showing him one matter by one matter... Slowly letting him to know me, I've no intension of hiding so many things from him, my love is not fake towards him... I don't want dear to have unhappy moments with me... I notice that when ever I accidentally hurt him, he says nothing... It really makes me feel bad, because I know what is going on but when I ask him he says nothing, I know he doesn't want me to feel bad... But by hiding it and I know the truth makes me feel more bad... We're like in a relationship of secrets, because of me... I am the one who created it... I've so many secrets to tell dear, but some secrets might hurt dear's feelings... I know that I've hurt dear many times, until 1 time dear cried because I told dear of something that dear really didn't like, because of love, dear had to carry on even nothing happened... I can hurt the one I love by not knowing it myself...
Forgive me dear, I've been keeping so many things from you... Hurting you... Sorry...
